Necessary but corrosive： Lucy Kellaway on ambition

野心的益處和害處

The former FT journalist was brought up to despise aspiration。 Now she considers it a good thing， but it must be proportionate

凱拉韋：我們應該把目標定得儘可能高，但要在合理範圍內。如果沒有獲得想要的成功，你需要在慾望摧毀你之前迅速放手。

英國《金融時報》特約編輯 露西•凱拉韋

Not long ago I had lunch with a friend who told me that his father， who had been a moderately well-known politician， had just died。

不久前，我和一位朋友共進午餐，他告訴我，他的父親——一位較為著名的政治人士——剛剛去世。

How sad， I said。

真令人傷心，我說。

What was sad， he replied， was less his death than his life。 From a young man he had set his heart on being in the cabinet but never made it beyond junior minister — and never got over it。 For the past three decades of his life， he had been bitter， envious， bad company to others and a liability to himself。 What had killed him in the end， his son told me， was not the organ failure reported on his death certificate， but thwarted ambition。

朋友回答說，令人傷心的不是他的死亡，而是他的人生。年輕的時候，他就一心想進內閣，但只當了助理政務次長——再也沒能升職。在他過去三十年的人生中，他一直心懷怨恨、嫉妒，難以與別人相處，也成了自己的絆腳石。他的兒子告訴我，最終殺死他的不是死亡證明上報告的器官衰竭，而是被挫敗的野心。

A few days later I was doing a podcast with Dame Jenni Murray， the veteran broadcaster。 We were discussing our careers post separation from our life-long employers， the BBC for her and the Financial Times for me。

幾天後，我與資深播音員詹尼•默裡女爵士（Dame Jenni Murray）做了一期播客。我們討論了離開自己工作了一輩子的僱主——對她而言是BBC，對我而言是英國《金融時報》——後的職業生活。

She said she was loving her new freelance existence and felt more carefree than she ever had。 The reason： she had not one shred of ambition left。 Freed from the monkey on her shoulder driving her on to succeed， she could enjoy the work she did for its own sake。

她說她很喜歡現在的自由職業，感覺比以前任何時候都輕鬆。原因是：她已經完全沒有任何野心了。甩掉敦促她走向成功的野心後，她可以享受工作本身的樂趣。

I said that on the contrary I was entering my seventh decade more ambitious than I had ever been。 I was starting a new school in September， would be teaching A-level economics for the first time， and was hell bent on doing well。

我說，恰恰相反，我正步入人生的第七個十年，比以往任何時候都更雄心勃勃。9月，我要去一所新學校教書，要第一次教A-level經濟學，我下定決心要做好。

These two conversations have got me thinking about both the corrosiveness and the necessity of ambition and wondering how much of it we need， how to turn it off when it’s no longer useful — and how to stop it from doing us in。

這兩次談話讓我思考了野心的腐蝕性和必要性，想知道我們需要多大的野心，如何在野心不再有益時摒棄它，以及如何阻止它將我們拖垮。

Striving for power， position or moneyI was brought up to despise ambition。 My parents had that snobby suspicion of overt success common in Britain in the middle of last century and disapproved of striving for power， position or money。 I would hear them say “He’s very ambitious” — implying that the person in question was only a hop， skip and a jump away from turning into Macbeth。

為權力、地位和金錢奮鬥

When it came to my own early career as a journalist I would have sworn black and blue that I had no ambition whatsoever — any advancement was simply due to luck。

我從小就瞧不起野心。我父母傲慢地對毫不掩飾的成功持懷疑態度，這在上世紀中期的英國很常見，他們不贊同為權力、地位或金錢奮鬥。我會聽到他們說“他很有野心”——暗示這個人離變成麥克白（Macbeth）只有一步之遙。

I changed my mind about 15 years ago when I went around asking all the most successful journalists at the FT if they considered themselves ambitious。 The older， posher Brits mostly said no， but everyone else， all the Americans and all younger journalists said yes。

在我作為一名記者的早期職業生涯中，我發誓我沒有任何野心——所有的晉升都只是因為運氣好。

Suddenly I saw how pathetic the old-fashioned British aversion to visible striving was。 All successful people are ambitious。 If you want to achieve anything， especially in anything competitive， you won’t get anywhere at all without ambition。

大約15年前，我改變了想法。當時，我四處詢問英國《金融時報》所有最成功的記者是否認為自己有野心。年長、背景偏上流的英國人大多說沒有，但除此之外的所有人，所有美國人和所有年輕記者都回答說有。

Now as a teacher， I find myself not only pro-ambition， but being forced to teach it to children。 “High expectations” are one of the government’s eight teacher standards each trainee teacher must provide evidence of to qualify — the idea is that teachers expect great things from every student so that they can expect great things of themselves。

忽然間，我意識到老派英國人對公開奮鬥的厭惡有多可悲。所有成功人士都有野心。只要你想取得任何成就，尤其是在競爭激烈的領域，如果沒有野心，你將一事無成。

Just before the end of term I asked my year 11 students to write down what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives。 Some said they wanted to make a lot of money in the City and then start their own businesses。 Others wanted to be neurosurgeons， professional footballers， astronauts， forensic scientists。 One said he wanted to return to the country his parents were from and become a politician and help to resolve the civil war there。

如今作為一名老師，我發現自己不僅支援有野心，還被迫教孩子們要有野心。“高期望”是政府八項教師標準中的一項，每位實習教師都必須提供證據證明自己合格。其理念是，教師期望每個學生都能做得很好，這樣學生也能期望自己做得很好。

As they started to discuss their ambitions I wanted to cheer。 What a great job the school and their parents had done to make them all aim so high。 What a great job I was doing as their economics teacher！

就在學期結束前，我讓11年級的學生寫下自己未來想做什麼。一些學生說想在金融城賺大錢然後自己創業。其他學生說想成為神經外科醫生、職業足球運動員、宇航員、法醫學家。一個學生說，他想回到父母來自的國家，成為一名政治家，幫助解決那裡的內戰。

Aim high， but within reasonBut as this roll call of ambition continued， I started to feel a bit uncomfortable。 I wanted to say： come off it Tommy， you have struggled for three years to see the difference between fixed and variable costs so I’m not sure that the ambition of being Elon Musk is realistic for you。

他們開始討論自己的野心時，我真的很想歡呼。能讓他們都有如此高的目標，學校和他們的父母做得多棒。作為他們的經濟學老師，我做得多棒！

What comes out of this are three thoughts。

目標要高，但要合理

Ambition is a good thing but it must be proportionate。 This is true not only of Tommy but of all of us — we should aim as high as we can， but within reason。 If my friend’s father had had the more reasonable （but still high） ambition of becoming an MP， he might have died a very happy man。

但隨著我繼續挨個點名讓學生說出自己的野心，我開始感到一點不安。我想說：別吹牛了湯米（Tommy），你花了三年時間才弄明白固定成本和可變成本之間的區別，所以我不確定成為埃隆•馬斯克（Elon Musk）的野心對你來說是否現實。

The second is that if you do not get the success you want， you need to let go quickly， before the wanting destroys you。 My brother had the ambition of being a professional oboist。 From the age of about 15， this was all he wanted in life and for a decade he did everything to make it happen。 But when， in his mid 20s， he realised he was probably not going to get snapped up by the London Symphony Orchestra — or any orchestra at all — he sadly put his oboe away， cancelled his ambition and joined a stockbroker instead。

我由此產生了三個想法。

Lastly， I now see I’m wrong about myself again。 Contrary to what I told Murray， I’m not ambitious any more。 I’ve looked it up and it means a “strong desire for success， achievement， power or wealth”。 I don’t even have a weak desire for three of those and while I do want to achieve as an A-level teacher， that is because I’ll be no use to my students if I don’t know what I’m doing， and I won’t have any fun myself。

有野心是件好事，但必須適度。這不僅適用於湯米，也適用於我們所有人——我們應該把目標定得儘可能高，但要在合理範圍內。如果我朋友的父親有一個更合理（但仍然很高）的野心，即成為一名議員，也許他就能幸福地結束這一生了。

Now mine is gone， I see more clearly the trouble with ambition。 It is not that it turns you into a ruthless， driven version of Macbeth， but that the striving， by definition， makes you dissatisfied with your life at present。 Worse still， all the really ambitious people I have known have never been satisfied by achieving the thing of their dreams， they merely concocted an even bigger dream。 I daresay that if my friend’s father had made it to the cabinet， he would still have died embittered by dint of not having made it as prime minister。

第二，如果沒有獲得想要的成功，你需要在慾望摧毀你之前迅速放手。我哥哥曾經的夢想是成為一名職業雙簧管演奏家。大約從15歲開始，這就是他生命中追求的一切，併為之奮鬥了十年。但25歲左右的時候，他意識到自己可能不會被倫敦交響樂團（London Symphony Orchestra）——或者任何交響樂團——錄取，於是他遺憾地放下了雙簧管，放棄了自己的夢想，轉而進入一家券商。

In the end he was unusual and unlucky to die still holding on to ambition。 One of the greatest joys of getting older is the corrosive side of the striving， the wanting， the envy tends to recede。 Whether it is because the charms of success， power and money fade as you get older or whether it is because of the diminishing probability of achieving those things — it doesn’t matter。 Murray was right： life without the monkey is a good deal nicer。

最後，我發現我又看錯自己了。與我和默裡說的不同，我不再有野心了。我查過了，野心的意思是“對成功、成就、權力或財富的強烈渴望”。我甚至對其中三樣沒有一丁點的渴望，雖然我作為一名A-level教師確實想有所成就，但那是因為如果我不知道自己在做什麼，我對我的學生就沒有用處，我自己也不會收穫任何樂趣。

Lucy Kellaway is an FT contributing editor and co-founder of Now Teach， an organisation that helps experienced professionals retrain as teachers

如今，我沒有野心了，我更清楚地看到了野心帶來的問題。並不是說野心會把你變成一個無情的、被驅使的麥克白，而是奮鬥，顧名思義，令你對目前的生活感到不滿。更糟糕的是，我認識的所有真正有野心的人從來沒有滿足於實現自己的夢想，他們只是編造了一個更大的夢想。我敢說，即使我朋友的父親進入了內閣，他也會因為沒能成為首相而痛苦地死去。

最後，他依然帶著野心死去，這很少見，也很不幸。隨著年齡的增長，最大的快樂之一就是奮鬥的腐蝕性一面，那種渴望，那種嫉妒會逐漸消失。不管是因為成功、權力和金錢的魅力會隨著你年齡的增長而褪去，還是因為獲得這些東西的可能性越來越小——這都不重要。默裡說得對：沒有野心的生活會更好。

露西•凱拉韋（Lucy Kellaway）是英國《金融時報》特約編輯、Now Teach聯合創始人。Now Teach是一家幫助經驗豐富的專業人士接受再培訓成為教師的機構。

譯者/何黎