【薦讀】一個90後獨生子的自白:我為什麼不願意做爸爸媽媽的小孩?

一邊作死一邊自救

我是獨生子,典型的90後!爸爸媽媽很愛我,我也很愛我自己。我們一家三口的生活是這樣的:

爸爸每天的節目是喝酒、抽菸、打麻將。

一邊作死一邊自救

媽媽每天的生活是吃飯、逛街、卡拉OK。

一邊作死一邊自救

我理想的生活是,健康飲食、早睡早起、跳健美操、練馬甲線!

一邊作死一邊自救

不得不承認環境的薰陶的重要性,爸爸的節目和媽媽的生活從小就訓練了我的本領,或者說簡直是一種與生俱來的天賦。喝酒、抽菸、打麻將、吃飯、逛街、KTV也是我的必備節目,只是我不愛張揚,默默接受朋友們的各種邀約。而且鑑於爸爸媽媽的實踐經驗,感嘆人到中年沒有什麼是容易的,除了容易胖、容易禿、容易上火、容易失眠、容易心情差……聰明的我就同步開啟養生研究,成果還相當可觀!

一邊作死一邊自救

四川火鍋麻辣上火,廣東涼茶涮一涮。同時品嚐兩種特色美食不說,而且還不擔心上火。

一邊作死一邊自救

聚會喝酒逃不掉,啤酒裡面加菊花,喝酒秒變喝花茶。

一邊作死一邊自救

熬夜追劇面板鬆弛有妙招,敷上面膜繼續追。。。

一邊作死一邊自救

冬天逛街穿破洞褲太冷,馬上貼個暖寶寶。

一邊作死一邊自救

搖滾的時候旁邊放個保溫杯,蹦迪的時候戴上護膝……

一邊作死一邊自救

怎麼樣,我的養生成果還不錯吧!為了做到理論結合實際,我把成果定義為“朋克養生”。這個定義美好的一面是又酷又健康,熬夜、蹦迪、抽菸、酗酒……隨時隨地躁起來,聽起來是不是十分酷炫。現實的一面就是,一邊作死一邊自救,一邊不顧一切地放飛自我,一邊又想方設法來安慰自己。現在的我感覺是深陷朋克養生的漩渦,無法自拔呀!

一邊作死一邊自救

一個人玩是沒有意思的,總是跟一夥相似的人一起玩也是會膩煩的,最近呢我盯上了爸爸媽媽的朋友們,逗逗這些熟透了的大寶貝們,簡直是太開心了!帥氣的歐巴吃著油油的麻辣串串,配廣東涼茶,絕對全新的體驗;乘風破浪的姐姐們乖乖聽你指揮做美甲,滿頭大汗地一起跳健美操,末了再來一紮加了枸杞菊花的冰鎮生啤,簡直從頭頂驚喜到腳尖,恨不得天天出去浪。

一邊作死一邊自救

來而不往非禮也,與這些歐巴姐姐們呆久了,有時候也得參與他們的活動,比如去茶樓喝早茶。自從上大學就沒有早起過的我,現在居然能夠跟著他們去茶樓?而且還愛上了廣東的系列早茶!中午時間又常常被帶過去體驗古色古香、韻味十足的古法採耳,一陣酥麻的體驗之後就是美美的午覺!霓虹燈閃爍的夜裡,蹦迪的召喚響徹耳邊,也得忍痛割愛陪著大朋友去洗腳。本以為會有個驚喜,比如大保健什麼的,結果卻是陝西修腳。被那些專業的師傅利利索索地修理一個多鍾之後,回家幸福滴躺在被窩裡面,連做夢流出的哈喇子(口水)都是香的。

一邊作死一邊自救

一邊作死一邊自救

現在我升級了“朋克養生”的定義,不再是網路上流行的一邊作死一邊自救,而是一種分享和嘗試。除了自己玩,還帶著別人玩,同時也是被別人帶著玩,玩著玩著那個有點叛逆的90後小寶貝也變成了人見人愛得開心果!

質量就在我們身邊,“一邊作死一邊自救”全新的定義就是廣交朋友,相互分享,美好的生活就從轉角開始!

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我們的宗旨:傳播質量思想,促進質量提升。每天投資10分鐘,與您一起締造高品質的生活!

I‘m an only child, a typical post-90s!My parents love me verymuch, and I love myself very much。 Our life as a family of three is like this:

Dad’s daily routine was drinking, smoking and playing mahjong。

Mom‘s daily life is eating, shopping, karaoke。

My ideal life is, healthy diet, early to bed and early to getup, aerobics, exercise waistline!

We have to admit the importance of environmental cultivation。 Myfather’s show and my mother‘s life have trained me as a child, or almost a borngift。 Drinking, smoking, playing mahjong, eating, shopping, KTV are also myessential programs, but I do not love publicity, and I quietly accept all kindsof invitations from my friends 。And in view of the practical experience of momand dad, I have to sigh that people in middle age is not easy。 They are easyfat, easy to bald, easy to get angry, easy to insomnia, easy to be in a badmood。。。 So I am smart to synchronously open health research, and the resultsare quite considerable!

Because Sichuan hot pot is easy to get hot, I use Guangdongherbal tea to shabu。 Then I can try both specialties at the same time withoutworrying about getting hot。

Add chrysanthemums in beer。 Drinking wine becomes drinkingscented tea。

Worried about sagging skin when you stay up late to watch theshow? Apply the mask and continue chasing。。。

Torn pants too cold to go shopping in winter? Use a warm babyright now。

Keep a thermos beside me when I rock。Put on knee pads when Idance。。。

How is it? My health preservation result is not bad! In order tocombine theory with practice, I define the achievement as “punkhealth”。 The good side of this definition is being cool and healthy。Staying up late, dancing, smoking, drinking。。。Anytime, anywhere, doesn’t itsound really cool? The reality is that we‘re trying to kill ourself and saveourself, and at the same time we’re trying to find ways to comfort myself。 NowI feel trapped in the whirlpool of punk health, and it‘s unable to extricate myself。

Playing alone is no fun, and playing with a group of similarpeople is tiring。 Recently, I have been eyeing up my parents’ friends andteasing these big, ripe babies。 It is so fun! The handsome Oba is eating greasyspicy strings, with Guangdong herbal tea, which is absolutely new experience; Thesisters ride through the wind and waves are at your command to get their nailsdone and do aerobics together in a sweat。 The final drink is a cold draft ofgoji chrysanthemum, which make you happy from the top of the head to the tip ofthe toe。 They just wish to go out every day。

After spending a lot of time with these Oba sisters, Sometimes Ihave to participate in their activities, such as going to the teahouse formorning tea。 I have not got up early since I went to university, and now can Ifollow them to the teahouse? But as a result, I should fell in love with theguangdong series of morning tea! At noon, I am often taken to experience theantique and full of charm of ears cleaning in ancient way。 After a tinglingexperience, a beautiful nap followed! In the neon lights of the night, we haveto resist the temptation of dancing with the big friends to wash feet。 Ithought there would be a surprise, such as great health care, but it turned outto be a Shaanxi pedicure。 After being repaired for more than a clock by theprofessional master, we went home and lay down in the quilt happily, and eventhe saliva in dream is sweet。

Now I have upgraded the definition of “punk health”。 Itis no longer a popular way to hurt your body and save yourself, but a way toshare and try。 In addition to play alone, but we also share with others, and weare shared by others to play。 In the end, the little post-90s baby who was alittle rebellious turned into a joy that everyone loved!

Quality is all around us。 The new definition of “killyourself while saving yourself” is to make friends and share。 The goodlife starts from the corner!

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