我喜歡吃草莓，但是我發現魚喜歡吃蟲子，因此當我釣魚時候我不會想著我喜歡什麼，我會想著魚喜歡什麼。世上影響他人的唯一方法就是談論他想要什麼，並向他展示如何才能得到。

當你明天想要去勸說別人時候，停下來先反問一下自己：我應該如何能使得這個人想做這件事？就像你不想讓你的孩子吸菸。那麼不要說教他，也不要說你想要他怎麼樣，而是向他說明香菸會使他失去加入籃球隊的機會，失去獲得獎學金的資格。

去站在他人的角度思考，並喚起他人想要做這件事的願望，並不是一件壞事。並不是一種操控他人，使得他人做一些有利於你而不利於他自己的事情。而是一種雙贏的事情。

比如有一次，我在一個大酒店裡舉辦一個為期二十天的學術會議，但是在會議開始前酒店經理通知我要漲價三倍。於是我就去和他交流，我說：我確實有些震驚，但是我絕對沒有責怪你的意思，如果我在你的位置上，我應該也會做同樣的事情，因為經理的職責就是為酒店儘可能多地帶來收益。

但是，讓我們來考慮一下這對你的不利影響。首先，你無法獲得更高的收入，因為這是一筆我無法負擔的錢，如果讓我付我只能被迫搬到別處，所以你並不能因此而獲得更高的收入。另外，這個講座會帶來無數的受過良好教育的人參加，如果你將這五千美元用於打廣告，你怎麼也不可能使得這麼多人來參觀你的酒店不是麼？

第二天，我收到了他的來信，他將三倍的漲價改成了僅僅五成的漲價。我得到這筆折扣的過程中沒有討論任何關於我想要什麼，而是一直討論他想要什麼，並且應該如何做才能得到。

假如我氣鼓鼓地進入他的辦公室，質問他什麼意思，告訴他這個決策是完全荒唐的。那麼事情會是怎樣的呢？你肯定知道每一次爭吵的結局吧，即使我使得他認識到這個決策對他是不利的，他的尊嚴也使得他很難做出讓步。

英文筆記：

I am fond of strawberries， but I find that fish prefer worms。 So when I go fishing， I don‘t think what I want。 I think what they want。 The only way to influence people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it。

For example， if you don’t want your children to smoke， don‘t preach at them， and don’t talk about what you want。 You can show them that cigarettes may keep them from joining the basketball team or winning the scholarship。 You should arouse in the other person an eager want。 If you can do this， you will have the whole world with you。 If not， you may walk a lonely way。

Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something。 Before you speak， pause and ask yourself： “How can I make this person want to do it。” Looking at the other person‘s view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and him detriment。 Each party should gain from the negotiation。

At one time I rented a grand room for twenty days in order to hold a series of lectures。 But at the the beginning of the lecture， I was suddenly informed that I should have to paid almost three times as much rent as formerly。 So， I went to see the manager。

I said：“ I was a bit shocked but I don’t blame you at all。 If I had been in your position， I should probably have written a similar letter myself。 Your duty as the manager of the hotel is to make all the profit possible。”

Then I went on to say：“ Let‘s consider the disadvantages。 First， instead of increasing your income from me， you are going to decrease it because I cannot pay the rent you are asking。 I shall be forced to move to other place。 Besides， this lecture attract crows of educated and cultured people to your hotel。 That is a good advertising for you。 If you spent five thousand dollars advertising in the newspapers， you couldn’t bring as many people to look at your hotel as I can bring by this lecture。 That is worth a lot to a hotel， isn‘t it。”

I received a letter the next day， informing me that my rent would be increased only 50 percent instead of 300 percent。 I got this reduction without saying a word about what I wanted。 I talked all the time about what the other person wanted and how he could get it。

Suppose I had stormed in to his office and said：’ What do you mean by raising my rent three hundred percent？ Ridiculous！ I won‘t pay it！“

What would have happened then——you know how arguments end。 Even if I had convinced him that he was wrong， his pride would have made it difficult for him to back down and give in。